Me and My Best Pal Al

Me and My Best Pal Al

Monday, January 11, 2010

I'll Remember You, Maybe.

One of my worst nightmares is to run into someone at a party, on a walk, in the supermarket who approachs me with a huge grin and all the communication techniques one would display greeting her best friend or at least an intimate one.
My brain searches for every possible clue to assist me in identifying this stranger. Did we meet on the golf course? Tennis court? I scan every inch of her body for something that would give me a hint of who she is; birthmarks, scars, clothing, disabilities. Nothing. I get nothing. I do not have a clue who this personable person is who is making me crazy.
I dredge up every possible means of appropriate dialogue to make her think I know her.
"Your hair looks great, love your sweater, is it new?" "Gosh, it's so great to see you." (Who the heck are you? ) Maybe I will remember you...but maybe not.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Exercise. Exorcise.

"I must....I must... I must develop my bust." Remember that little ditty we recited when we were about age 15 while pushing our palms together attempting to build up our blossoming bosoms?" Well, it's time we do it again. But not for that particular part of our anatomy. Think
those babies are long gone. Now we must do it just so we can walk and talk long term. We must take revenge and exorcise the evil powers of gravity from our aging bodies. Of course, it could be dangerous. Everything we do physically at our age could be a matter of life or death or a few broken bones. I have a friend who fell off her bike and broke her hip; another broke her wrist playing tennis; another broke her finger rolling on that stupid, big, rubber ball; and yet another broke her leg dancing the salsa. I ended up having knee surgery after too much wine and shaking my hips and every other part of my torso to "Play That Funky Music White Boy." We will do almost anything to feel young again even if we know we could become disabled. Do you think we get stupid as we age? When I say exercise I am talking walking at a moderate pace, doubles tennis, golf, stretching, yoga, Tai Chi...
not spinning, skiing moguls or speed racing on your bike. Soduko is good.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Even my dog is Old.

Our little dog pal McGee is getting old too. He is going to be twelve and he's not liking it. I can tell. He can't chase the ball as much, he struggles going up the stairs when the weather is cold and damp. And he doesn't always know when he has to pee so he has to wear a d iaper when he's in the house. We know it is degrading for him so we always give him a treat and praise him for enduring the humiliation. But if he didn't wear his diaper he would pee on the furniture.
I will never wear a diaper come hell or high water. I remember the hospice nurse telling me my mother should have a diaper on during the last two days of her life. I told the nurse she would never go in that diaper and she never did. Four hours before she died she got up and sat on that portable potty thing they gave her and emptied her bladder for the last time. She then fell deep asleep and left this life with an empty bladder and a peaceful countenance. I am my mother's daughter. I will never wear a diaper. And I promise to never pee on the furniture.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Love and Sex

Love makes the world go around and also keeps you on your toes instead of your butt. Even though my husband who is the light of my life can be really annoying I can't imagine what life would be without him . I think we need someone to challenge us on a regular basis or we'd get bored to death. I need to think about someone besides myself or I'd become a self-centered old bitch and I know some of those. Not pretty. . Give me a guy who loves me tender, cooks, shops, knows how to run a vaccum and won't live his life on "my terms" and I'm a happy woman filled with gratitude.

I believe orgasm is the secret to good, ageless skin. Whether you have to do it yourself or you're fortunate to have someone help you out..doesn't matter. Just do it. Me, I have a handsome, old guy who still rocks my world and we still create romance regularly although our methods have been altered a bit. In our younger years we were quite creative with out lovemaking. Now we have our limitations. I can't get on top because my knees won't let me. He can't get on top because he's gained a few pounds and if he ever had a heart attack I would be smushed like an ant under an elephants foot never to get out alive. So here we would be. Two old dead people that would be found days later by our next door neighbor coming over for their weekly cocktails and dinner. What a vision. Humiliated even in death. So, to avoid that scenario we always have sex on our side. Not too much can go wrong if you have sex on your side. You can always get out if you need to and it doesn't put too much strain on your knees or back. But whatever you have to not give up sex. It will keep you young, keep you smiling, keep you
from pruning out. It is a must have...if at all possible. If not....drink.

Do I Look Old?

Well, I don't think I look reallllly Grandma Moses kinda old.
I highlight my grey hair and my stepdaughter who is a hairdresser cuts
it in a blunt, chic do that I mostly wear up. Can still manage to see the eyeliner on my lids without looking like Baby Jane, know enough not to wear bright red lipstick that seeps into the burrows of my upper lip and makes me look like an old hooker. ( I obviously tried it.) No, now I stick to
the "less is more" after seeing one too many old ladies with so much rouge on their cheeks they look like a marionette or a cupie doll that has been
in the attic too long.